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“I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits? ’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays’.” The joke came fifth overall. Researchers scoured the web and examined more than 1,000 jokes before whittling them down to a final 50 on which 36,000 people voted. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here" 25. Also included in the list were gags by the British comedians Peter Kay, who had nine, and Lee Evans and Stuart Francis, a Canadian comic.

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Took the whole nursery we built.” However, Kardashian, 29, took to Instagram last week to wish Chyna a happy anniversary.A rep for Blac Chyna did not return a request for comment.He said that when the police raided his home in 2003 after combing through the records of a US company hosting child porn sites, his main concern was just that they would read his diaries, featuring dilemmas about which yacht or flash car to splash out on, and think he was ‘a self-obsessed prat’.A joke about a male bus passenger insulting a woman’s ugly baby was voted the funniest gag ever. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen! The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. ” The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming.

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And yet, there’s so much more than novelty at the heart of Dating Tips, which is ultimately a classical reckoning with modern love and a sure way to turn a disappointing day around or find solitary delight while fully clothed.” —Believer, "Our Favorite Books from 2016" “Structured in small episodes like Homer's Odyssey, which serves as an epigraph for the book, Smyles' adventuress calls to mind a Jane Bowles heroine who's read Ulysses while scrolling in despair through 10 open apps on her i Phone.

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Online personals, classifieds and dating sites are places to go if you're looking for friendship, companionship or romance. Read More » Text Messaging & Chat Abbreviations From A3 to LOL and ZZZ this guide lists 1,500 text message and online chat abbreviations to help you translate and understand today's texting...

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Below is a compilation of all the best free chat lines and party lines in the US and Canada.